When things don't go to plan...serenity sequence in 3, 2, 1....

It’s Christmas Day and you’ve planned everything to perfection. You’re feeling great because you have been moving, nourishing and hydrating yourself and making sure you are getting the rest you need to flourish….and then “it” happens.

The “it” is that thing that you dread to think will happen and will be something out of your control and intent on ruining things. But this year when “it” happens we will be able to recognise it for what it is and keep going and still have a holiday we created.

Shite happens and for us to think that we ever really have full control is an illusion - an illusion I quite enjoy too - but an illusion nonetheless. We can plan and prep to our hearts content but when things go awry, and they will at some stage during this wonderful life, it will be how we react and then take action which will determine whether “it” ruins our day or is something that will just form part of the memories.

The first trick when “it” happens is be in the moment and fully accept it for what it is and not what you want it to be.

If your “it” is food burning for instance, it won’t make things better by exclaiming “it’s not fair, I followed the instructions” and then looking for someone to blame “they didn’t remind me to check”

Blame and wishing things were different isn't helpful for anyone but it can be hard to get out of that downward spiral as our minds stop being logical and get stuck. So to get around this we need some systems/processes to help us.

These systems and processes are what is going to help us get back in the present and take the first step to consciously deal with “it”.

Now the words “systems and processes” don’t exactly invoke feelings of excitement and fun I know - so you may want to come up with another way to describe them - I call it a serenity sequence, but for now let's get into the context of it.

Essentially, what you want to develop are the actions that you will take if you recognise that you are in that spiral. It may be something like

• taking three deep breaths,

• bringing your hands together and pressing each finger against its opposite one by one,

• reaching your hands to the sky and bringing them back in a full circle

• all three of these, one after the other

or any other combination of “actions” that can be undertaken in any place at any time. What those actions/sequence looks like is up to you. Try and think of something now and then test it our during the week when something doesn't quite go to plan and you can feel yourself tense up and think "this is wrong.....".

Choose something that you feel might work for you. Don’t associate the action with a particular place, person or object - just something you can do with just you and your body eg if you decided to use your bedroom to reset that will be no good to you if you aren’t at home. Likewise if you choose to squeeze a stress ball, that won’t work if you don’t happen to have it with you at the time. What you are creating is a process to help get you out of the spiral no matter where you are, who you are with or what you are needing to deal with.

Once you have yourself back in the present moment, and have accepted what that moment is, without blame (for yourself or others), you will find it so much easier to decide what the next step needs to be.

If the beautiful table centre piece turns out to resemble a kindergarten experiment rather than the magazine inspired masterpiece that you had envisaged, allow yourself to feel what you feel (name it - are you disappointed, embarrassed or something else?), do your serenity sequence and then perhaps the next move is to still take a photo so when the ego subsides, you can laugh about it with your loved ones.

If the torrid family member starts doing their usual undermining of your best laid plans, get yourself into the present with your serenity sequence, remind yourself that no happy person sets out to undermine others and now looking through your compassion lens you’ll now be better placed to decide what the next step will be.

You’ve got this! You are worthy - always